The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single fucking one of them
There are people telling funny history stories and I wanted to tell my favorite!
Okay, so. When Napoleon invaded Egypt, the Egyptians wanted to get in his good favor, so they sent along two teenage girls to him for him to use as he pleased. Napoleon was disgusted, because um, no, and he was madly in love with Josephine. So he sent them back. And, well, the Egyptian ministers must have misunderstood.
Because they sent back two ten year old boys.
If an intruder ever comes to fucking murder you. You throw your mother fucking head back pull your arms in weird shapes and whip your head forward again and say the anti crist has awoken whilst smiling the biggest smile you have ever made. no smart person would ever fuck around with you if you did that.
STOP REBLOGGING THIS PLEASE ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION
I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD IN MY LIFFFEEE
my chemistry teacher calls babies “fresh humans”
Sailing Stones, Unexplained Natural Phenomenon.
the pioneers used to ride these babies for miles
This is Grýla, an Icelandic monster who ate bad children before Christmas.
You better not shout,
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
Or an Icelandic monster will fucking eat you.
The mom doesn’t even look panicked she’s just “Sigh. Goddamn it Jimmy I fucking told you.”
dear everyone who says he’s a good person
he also punched goofy too, what an imbecile.